Failure, Disappointment and Disillusionment

Posted by Nick Martinez in New York Nick

I’m in New York City! My only experience with NYC before I was accepted into the New York Arts Program, was on an 8^th grade field trip to the U.N. So forgive me for my excitement and my quick decision to proclaim NYC the single greatest place in the entire world. Standing in a Hoboken park across the Hudson, overlooking the city, is truly a sight to behold. But, I’ll have plenty of time to wax poetic about the various boroughs, the people, the atmosphere. My first couple weeks were a bit of a downer.

Arriving at the program, I was the only student who hadn’t landed a job yet. My advisor, the highly intelligent John Reed, told me not to worry, so I didn’t. The next day I had a job interview at an arts magazine (I won’t be naming names.) Despite mapping out my course to the interview the day before, I arrived a few minutes late caked in sweat after misreading the subway system. Rookie mistake.

My interviewer, a short soft spoken man in his early 30s, asked me various questions about my time in the city so far.

“I went to the bookstore Printed Matter in Chelsea. It was crazy. Super hip. I felt so out of place there,” I joked.

“Yeah, I love Printed Matter,” he said flatly. Boom. He decided I wasn’t a good fit there.

My next interview at a low-level literary agency was a few days later. I went out to the Strand bookstore in Manhattan to pick up a novel the agency represented in order to write a mock reader’s report. I read the book, thought it was awful, but still wrote a glowing report. I felt guilty lying but, hey, I needed a job. The interview went great. The rejection email came the next day. The book still stank.

With two interviews down, I began to worry. Do they not like me? I mean, I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with myself, but I always considered myself hire-able.

The next week I landed an interview with a pop culture magazine. They covered everything from film to art to fashion to nightlife. It would have been a cool place to work. The past tense is key. I arrived at the interview overdressed and nervous. The receptionist kept looking at me in my business suit  and snickering. Finally my interviewer came out to see me.

“Hello Nick, it’s nice to meet you, I’m Elizabeth,” she said shaking my hand.

“Hello, I’m Nick.”

Goddamn me. No word from them either.

Finally, I landed a job at Verisimilitude Films, a production company that produced Blue Valentine and The Place Beyond The Pines. I already had my first day and will devote my next column to talking about working there. Spoiler Alert: It’s pretty awesome.

The day after I landed Verisimilitude, I interviewed with one of the biggest literary agencies in the world. I was interviewed by three different people. The first two interviewed in unison, one looking like Carolina Panthers linebacker Luke Kuechly, the other like a skinnier Edward Snowden. Odd combo. They both spoke breathlessly. When finished they took me to their boss’ office. The man look and spoke like a latino Barack Obama.

“Hello, Nicholas.” His words flowed like molasses. “You’re from Annapolis, yes? Tell me about your childhood.”

“Umm, my mom lives in Baltimore, my dad in Annapolis. It was a, uh, happy childhood, I guess. I guess, no one has a perfect childhood, you know? I uh, umm, I’m sorry what specifically do you want to know?”

“That was specific enough. Are there any questions you have for me?”

“Yeah, the guys before were talking about a weekly intern meeting?”

“Yes, we have our interns meet weekly. We go over various things…”

Latino Barack Obama shifted around in his seat. His eyes drifted around the room. For the first time I noticed Vivaldi playing over speakers. I admired his bookshelf, the craftsmanship of his desk.

“…editorial letters, progress reports. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat. Rinse and repeat…”

I want you all to know that I am underselling how many times he said “rinse and repeat.” I can’t tell if he was trying to make me uncomfortable and confused, but he succeeded. Like Donny before me, I was out of my element. The rejection email arrived the next week.

Now, this wouldn’t really be a personal column about failure if I didn’t mention the Denver Broncos’ embarrassing shellacking in Super Bowl XLVIII. As a die hard Broncos fan for my entire life, I felt like being in New York the year Denver went to the Super Bowl in New York was fate. Instead I watched the game with a bunch of art students who were on the phone during the game and laughed as the Broncos self destructed from the first snap.

It was heartbreaking, but as any sports fan will tell you, “there’s always next year.” And like any hopelessly optimistic sports fan I look to the future.